My Own Stig Quotes (Final Update)

"Some say, he has a guilty pleasure of watching Strictly Come Dancing. And that he is convinced that Simon Cowell is really an Alien hellbent on taking over the world. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he got sued by Chuck Norris for Copyright infringement on the grounds of his "facts" being stolen from him. And, that he is only allowed to take off his helmet whenever a pregnant woman needs to pee in it. All we know is that he is called The Stig!"

"Some say, that he hacked into everybodies' computer for the sole purpose of voting for Rick Astley as the best act ever award and subsequently won it. And, was rejected from the X-factor auditions because his sob story wasn't convincing enough. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he sabotaged Glock's car so Lewis Hamilton would get enough points to be the Formula One World Champion. And, that  he voted in the US president election, twice. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he recently escaped from Level 5 where all the dangerous people with powers are locked up so that he can hunt down Lewis Hamilton and steal his driving ability. And, that Angela Petrelli is his biological mother as she seems to be everybody else's biological mother. All we know is that if he finds you, then you will die! Oh, he's called The Stig by the way."

"Some say, that only Nathan Petrelli can see him. And, that the only reason he is not standing for Prime Minister is because he incapable of speaking in any Earth language. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he can save the world...through the medium of dance! And, he is convinced that Gene Hackman is the manager of Chelsea football team. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say he is allergic to Morrisons. And, thinks that Frankie Boyle is a member of The Proclaimers. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say he he has a cloaking device and had be have been England manager, he'd have got us qualified to Euro 2008, a Monkey could have even done that too! All we know is, he's called The Stig."

"Some say, he comes from the end of time, and that he can play better football than a 9 year old kid who Manchester United have signed from Australia. All we know he is not The Stig. But his 2-D powerpuff counterpart, The Powerpuff Stig."

"Some say, that he is from a parallel dimension, and when in the mood, he can solve a sudoku puzzle in 3 seconds flat, all we know is he is called The Stig."

"Some say, he eats brains to steal your special powers and he is the test driver for santa's sleigh, all we know is he's called The Stig."

"Some say, he speaks only in klingon, and if it was up to him, the contestants on I'm a celebrity would have stayed in that jungle for eternity, all we know is he is called The Stig."

"Some say, he can be downloaded on itunes, and he is the mastermind behind the Hollywood writers Strike, all we know is he is called The Stig."

"Some say, he invented fangurlz and everytime somebody sees his actual face, their hair turns either blue, green or pink. All we know is that he is not The Stig, but his manga counterpart, The Manga Stig!"

"Some say, he once sank Atlantis, And had he have been the owner of Soul Edge, he would have made Nightmare look like a sissy. All we know is he's not The Stig, but his Great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather, The Knight Stig!"

"Some say, he failed an audition to be a Power Ranger and if you mention his name three times in a row, he will appear from behind you and frighten you by doing the Peanutbutter Jellytime dance. All we know, he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, that it was him, not St. George that slayed the dragon as he drew a letter "S" on it Zorro-style and if he was the Prime minister, beer would be cheaper and St. Georges day would be a public holiday to celebrate being English. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, his urine is bottled to sell to the public as Cillit Bang! And, was responsible for sabotaging the big screen in Manchester. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he has a part-time job as The Grim Reaper. And, that he comes flat-packed from Ikea. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he performs as well as The Six Million Dollar Man for half the price. And, that it is him who is brainwashing Fabio Capello into still playing David Beckham in England matches, come on, he's got his 100th cap, now let him stay in America as they can have him! All we know is he's called The Stig."

"Some say, he wraps an old school tie around his head to pretend he is the 5th teenage mutant ninja trurtle. And, that he once sliced a giant peach in half as it was giving him an evil look. All we know is he is not The Stig but his far eastern cousin, The Ninja Stig!"

"Some say he is on strike. and so we hired a temp Stig whose cost is 30% cheaper than our regular Stig so you go on and stay on your strike, with this credit crunch we need all the money we can get. All we know is, he is also called The Stig but cheaper!"

"Some say, his farts sound like car engines. And, that he is determined to be a Power Ranger even though they aren't real. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, his deepest fantasies are uploaded onto youtube daily. And, that he facebooked your mum first before that bloody Monkey from the TV ads. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he is blackmailing Cristiano Ronaldo into going to Real Madrid. And, he thought that a Nintendo Wii was slang for urinating. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he likes big butts. And, that he got caught having an affair with a mini. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he is a figment of your imagination. And, that he can fire laserbeams from his penis. All we know is he's called The Stig!"

"Some say, he's smuggling Osama Bin Laden around the world. And, had he have been entered in Team GB for the Olympics, he'd have won gold, silver and bronze in every event regarless of gender. All we know is he's called The Olympic Stig!"